On my wedding day all I wanted was to look like an evil queen. I bippity-boppity-NAILED the look.
The only thing killing my vibe was I wearing my Mom’s underwear all day.
After months of planning every other detail of the wedding I completely ate shit when it came to packing. The only underwear I packed were full bottom and loud colors. I convinced all of my bridesmaids this was no big deal and that I had thought it through. After having to make one of my bridesmaids give me her spanx because my rehearsal dinner dress was completely see through I had second thoughts.
Luckily, my Mom was there to save the day. Unluckily, it was a weird save.
Mom told me she had a pair of tan underwear she never wore. She kept them at the bottom of her drawer so that when she saw them she knew it was time to do laundry. This made sense to me as I also had a pair of underwear like this -- and then an emergency swimsuit bottom for when that didn’t work. I finally agreed to wear the underwear. What my mom had forgot to tell me is that they were silk and would reach all the way to my belly button. Too late to turn back now. I had already committed to this.
So I married the love of my life in the most unbelievable pair of granny panties of all time. Forever and ever. Amen.
It’s traditional for a bride to wear something borrowed, something new, something old, and something blue. My dress was new, the bottom of my shoes were blue, and my Mom’s underwear was borrowed and very old. I regret nothing. I wouldn’t change a thing about that day. Even my mom's granny panties.
Where is that treasured silky nightmare now? At the bottom of my underwear drawer to remind me when it’s time to do laundry.